Monday, 14 November 2016
It was a benefit gig for refugees and the music was divine, but my mind was restless. Luckily I had a notebook on hand. It's a new notebook with the title "My Business Dreaming".
The following writing began in the hall during a recorder interlude and continued into the sacred songs. It's a reflection on my first week of having a public practice, getting overwhelmed with the busyness of life and transition, and attempting to run away to the hills and the light of an intense moon.
Disclaimer: high humidity sends me troppo.
What I offer is the elusive obvious. How do we bring ourselves to notice how we feel, when perhaps we have been avoiding just that? My role is to be a channel for Mother Earth: earth energy.
(I love it when the Altos feature, Their presence is so precious: not the top end, not the bottom end, just floating in between. Neutral buoyancy.)
There is a great sense of lack which exists in me today. As the super full moon approaches, I relive the past full moon. A breakthrough does not exist without doubt. There was doubt leading into that full moon with Uncle Lewis. There is doubt leading into this full moon. I don't know if I should be here. I don't know where to be.
On this Country. I've travelled from one Country to another today. I've travelled from the familiar to the foreign. All the while, my bloodline leads back to a latitude much farther from the equator. I'm not sure how we belong here, the settler culture, with our white skin, our stark sunlight. I was told what Lewis said: that anyone can hear the land. I wonder what the land here is telling us. It feels like something beyond the current stories. It feels like wisdom arising from a deeper place. It calls on us to do less. To do less to others. To have less done to us. This time calls for clarity. The emotions are channeled into action, and non-action (noticing, observing). Both have their place.